How many spies does it take to change a lightbulb?
"One of the lights is out in the den," Bruce said as he came into the kitchen at breakfast. "Went out while I was reading last night."
"JARVIS, make a note to get a maintenance guy up here," Tony called sleepily, apparently trying to osmose his coffee through the mug, if the way he was curled around it was any indication.
"Of course, sir. Immediately or at a later time?"
"Uh. Later. Coffee now."
Natasha snorted and pushed herself up from the table. ”That’s ridiculous. It’s just a light bulb.”
"In a ceiling that’s like 15 feet high," Tony pointed out dubiously. Natasha waved him of as she poked in a cupboard and produced a new bulb,
"I’ve got this." She kicked Clint’s chair lightly. "Come on, I’ll need a leg up." Clint didn’t bother to set his phone down, sleepily following Natasha back into the den while Bruce and Tony stared after them.
"Should we go help?" Bruce asked uncertainly after a moment. Tony sighed and downed his coffee in two gulps.
"Nah, we’ll go laugh at the spies totally failing to change a lightbulb in a ceiling they couldn’t reach even standing on top of one another," he said, and sauntered out to the den, Bruce a few steps behind him, close enough that he almost crashed into Tony’s back when he stopped suddenly, just inside the doorway. "What.”
Clint looked up guiltily from his phone and Bruce couldn’t help but stare in shock. Clint was perched on what looked like one of Tony’s expensive desk chairs (and how he’d gotten it in such a short period of time, Bruce had no idea), one foot on the back, one foot on an arm. Somehow it hadn’t tipped, and Bruce was at a loss to figure out how, especially considering that Natasha had one foot on Clint’s shoulder and the other on his head, calming screwing in the new lightbulb.
"What are you doing?” Tony all but screeched.
"Changing the lightbulb," Natasha said calmly, lowering herself to the ground from Clint’s shoulders.
"Getting a new high score on Angry Birds," Clint added, tipping the chair backwards and landing smoothly, holding his phone out with a triumphant grin.
"I’m surrounded by suicidal nutcases!" Tony exclaimed, and went back to the kitchen, adding, "Put my chair back where you got it!" over his shoulder.
I WANT THEM ALL
Vocally political and liberal Steve Rogers
Fox News has no idea how to handle it because he’s Captain America and he’s literally from the 40’s like how do that handle that
He refuses to go on half of the news shows because they lie
Mostly ends up on the Daily Show, the Colbert Report, and the Young Turks
Starts charities that focus on kids and the poor
Donations to veterans charities go through the roof
Treatment for PTSD in veterans suddenly gets addressed after he admits to being diagnosised with it
Steve Rogers starting a twitter specifically for linking people to horrible news stories and calling news stations out on their lies and scare tactics
Using his twitter to complain about the state of public news and how it should be a space of change and value and honesty for the American public, and how he’s so ashamed of it all
He accidentally becomes like public face for the new generation of politically savvy people
They make of shirts like WWCD “what would Cap do?”
Tony is thrilled and proud and hires of team of lawyers exclusively to handle the news stations screaming about Steve
Fox news gets slapped with so many libel fines and law suits
Going on a show and regretting it the moment an offensive question or comment comes up and decides he’s completely done and just tears the interviewer a new one. It goes viral.
The public face thing is just the start. It starts this whole new wave of people that shut down offensive shit during interviews and holding their own.
There is a short time period once he turns 35 where there is a rally cry of “Captain America for President” that he gracefully turns down.
But politicians starting courting him, trying to get him to publicly state that they support him because his influence is just so massive, and they keep getting shut down hard
Talks about growing up in the depression when people bring up financial issues - says things like “With all due respect, ma’am, what others may remember as being over 80 years ago was less then 5 ago to me. Things were supposed to get better. Those issues we thought we fixed were supposed to go away - we were supposed to work to a future where it was gone - and instead it seems to be worse then ever.”
And of course he’s a raging feminist and is absolutely appalled when Natasha tells him about rape statistics
Bruce takes a lot of time to fully educate him about the social and medical side of abortions, teaches him about the various birth defects and medical issues the mothers can face, shows him the demographic information of access and need, and Steve is horrified by that too
Then Tony walks him through gay rights and other LGBTQ issues, all of them helping him understand how sexuality can manifest differently and the difference between sex and gender identity
Steve just REAL FUCKIN DONE with everything.
Angrily stands in protest rallies and dares people to start something with peaceful protesters. Just DARES them.
Rolls his eyes at baby boomer articles about the newer generations. He’s heard that mess before. He’s done with it.
Understanding people have problems with medical bills, having been there himself.
Fucking standing up for single mothers becaUSE LIKE WHOA THAT’S HIS MOTHER YOU JUST DISSED.
Steve Rogers hating bullies. Hates that kids are actually KILLING THEMSELVES because of bullying and people are just “oh boys will be boys” about it and he’s just LIVID.
I would go into debt to read this comic. This is what Captain America should be. This is what America should be.
cries i want to embrace this post forever
Peaceful protests staying peaceful because when the cops try to start something it doesn’t matter how many of them there are, Steve’s there and he will shut them down, but more than that: Steve gets pepper sprayed. Steve gets chemical burns. Steve on shaky iphone video blind and disoriented and still using his body to protect others as the cops close in. And suddenly the heroes who stay back because they don’t want to get involved - because they shouldn’t use their powers ‘like that’ start showing up in droves.
Peter gumming up the smoke and pepper bombs before they go off. Thor becoming a one man blockade. Natasha working with organizers to help plan for escapes if things do go badly. Tony’s not only keeping Cap up to date - he’s putting considerable money behind the political candidates who will actually work to improve things, because we all know you need money to represent at the polls. They’re not there attacking the police - even if the officers are being assholes, they understand they have a job to do and often bad orders - but they will protect the protesters who have done nothing but show up.
And the more they do, the more heroes join in. Because it’s not just about using your powers against the mighty evil empire Strexx or taking down some guy calling himself the Boomerang. It’s about making sure you want to keep living in the world you keep saving.
Ok I love this.
Thank you, talented people ♥
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